As parents, it is our responsibility to instill in our children the types of morals and values that we hope will create in them the kind of well-adjusted, productive members of society that we can all be proud of. I recently engaged in a thought-provoking discussion about the morality issues facing our children, and the mixed messages being given to them by society. An acquaintance believes that rewarding children monetarily for doing the right thing is the only way to ensure the moral wellbeing of her children, I suggested that doing so may teach them to value the money rather than the behavior itself; however, a reward can be manifested in lasting ways, such as the positive examples set by parents, controlling the moral environment of children, and by practicing good character. These are just some of the ways parents can change money for morality to morality for morality’s sake.
For any given behavior, parents may potentially respond in a fashion that rewards children. One of the ways this can be achieved is through example. Examples are routinely set by parents in the ways we treat each other, family members and those outside of the family. The simple virtues of honesty, kindness and integrity suffer from an image problem and are in desperate need of a makeover. Because families are more stressed than ever, and because there are many more negative forces in our children’s lives, parents need to be more intentional than in past generations about creating a family life and more vigilant about raising a moral child. Even then there are no guarantees. However, if a child sees his/her parents reading, he/she will be encouraged to read. Because of the toxic media, society in general and other parents who may be more permissive, the opportunity for parents to teach children moral lessons present themselves often. When children see their parents treating others with respect, they too will learn that is the behavior expected of them. Whenever a parent has an opportunity to teach a child politeness, courtesy and respect, he/she should do so. The most important example a parent can set may be in the stands he/she takes.
Good character will not be absorbed from our current moral environment. Parenting is inherently hard work. Like many other professions, we, as parents, receive our training while on the job; however, the job is harder than ever because the family has fewer allies, e.g., the extended family, cohesive neighborhoods and an economy that doesn’t pay a living wage. We can and must control the moral environment of our children. We can do so in subtle, yet very effective ways that develop good character in our children and have the added benefit of forming ethical behavior that will serve them later. Do we ask our children to be deceitful on the phone when we don’t want to talk to a telemarketer by saying, “She’s not home?” What do we prohibit? Violent video games, TV shows and movies that contain sex, violence, or foul language? All forms of pornography, music with lyrics that denigrate women, immodest dress? Parties where there’s drinking? Prom overnights? Respect for life, war and peace, threats to the environment, the plight of the poor? If we’ve ever taken a stand in the workplace or public arena or even in a conversation with one other person, have we shared that with our children? Stands like these define our values our ethics. They let our children know what we care deeply about. That’s essential if we hope to pass on our values and the importance of integrity in a life of character. If our children never see us standing up for what we believe, never “fighting the power,” how can we expect them to have the courage to stand up to the pressure from their peers? Increasingly, young people seek their self-esteem and identity in clothes or other material objects. At the same time we’re working hard to protect our children from dangers, we should make an equal effort to expose them to what is uplifting, decent, and elevating. Somewhere in the evening paper there’s at least one example of integrity, courage, or compassion share it with our children.
We need to practice what we preach, but we also need to preach what we practice. Teach our children common the courtesies that were expected of us like; “Say please and thank you.” “Don’t interrupt.” “Look at the person who’s speaking to you.” “Pick up your toys and clothes.” “Cover your mouth when you cough.” “Remove your dishes from the table.” “Remember your telephone manners.” “Write or call to say thank you when you receive a gift.” Literally hundreds of teachings like these communicate to children, “This is how we behave,” and “This is how we live.” All of these virtues develop through practice. We don’t develop integrity in children simply by talking about it. Another of our children’s important responsibilities is to do their best work in school and make the most of their education. Homework is not only should not only be viewed as a means of getting good grades but as an opportunity to develop habits of good character such as self-discipline and respect for the teacher. Spiritual development should be nurtured, whatever the religious denomination in our so-called “upwardly mobile” world we are on a downward spiral toward moral bankruptcy. For young people who do not have faith in God, there is, I believe, a greater temptation especially in today’s culture to make a god of something else: money, clothes, or sexual pleasure.
In conclusion, as parents it is our job to make the most of the many opportunities we have to help our children grow to be well- adjusted and moral members of society. When we do not set high standards, we abandon our children to their own immature desires and the pressures of the peer group and society. If we draw a line, and then we cross that, soon we’ll draw another line, and then we cross that. Pretty soon we’ve compromised our standards to the point of disappearing. Without pretending to have all the answers, parenting is a complex art and every child unique, therefore, his/her character must be a parent’s top priority. The process of developing character begins, like everything else, in the home. The morality issues that face our children can be abated if we as parents lead by example control our children’s’ moral environment and practice what we preach…for morality’s sake…I’m just sayin…
Peace & Blessings
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